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Wherein you will find posts with humor, photos, reviews, occasional rants and journalistic entries of interest to me alone but that I hope will touch you, the reader, in some way. I remain sincerely yours,
A Work in Progress

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Life Goes On

My Mom has been reading my old blogs.  I had them made up for her in book form for several years and she just dug them out and keeps emailing me about them.  So I started going back through my own archives.  I laughed, I cried, I smiled with memories and photos and I could very clearly see the posts where I worked at the writing and where I clearly did not.

Lately, I have posted but not written, you know?  And I miss it.  However, sharing thoughts and feelings these days is kind of like putting a match to a powder keg.  

I am angry, sad, frustrated, regretful over a lot of the Lyme stuff with our girls.
Last week I was so hopeful, we had a really great couple of days and they were so precious to me, I felt like we had our Rowan back.  She danced, she sang, she socialized, it was a rare and wonderful sight to behold.  Fast forward a couple of days and she is an invalid again with crippling, out of control anxiety issues and panic attacks.  A terrible thing for a parent to see her go through.  A terrible thing for a parent to go through. 

There is a scene from Firefly, War Stories episode, where River Tam says this, 
"Played with Kaylee. The sun came out, and I walked on my feet and heard with my ears. I hate the bits, the bits that stay down and I work, I f-function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away! The sun grows dark and chaos has come again. It's... fluids. What am I?"   It sounds so much like Rowan these days. I can barely recall what she was like before all this anymore.  But I do know that it wasn't this.  Praying we can get some help at our next visit to her Doctor in NYC.

I don't mean for it to sound like life is all bad.  There are lots of bright spots.  We have folks here many a day that brighten our spirits.  Daily chats with my Mom and my sisters and my dearest friends whether by email, Facebook or text always make me happy. 

Took Jenny thrift store shopping to celebrate finishing the 7th grade last week.  We almost had to turn around and come back, she was so nauseous from her medications.  But we slowed it down til she felt better and managed to have a pretty fun day.  She found a few items she loved so we came home in triumph.  We hit Taco Bell and took her on her first trip to an army surplus store as well. 

Yesterday was a mixed bag of crazy, wonderful friends and not great moments.  It balances out most days.  I am trying very hard to stay peaceful, my stress levels, if I let them out, throw off the entire household.

A few weeks ago, rather than go bonkers in the house, I took off to the beach for some salt air therapy.  I am a Cape Cod gal, born and bred and nothing soothes me like the shore.   I pulled in to the parking lot, opened all my windows and just quietly breathed.  In a few minutes, I was silently praying and listening to the waves, my shoulders had begun to retreat from my ears and I had just gotten in my head to, "be still and know that I am God".  All of a sudden, in rolls a car, blasting across the lot to park right next to me and was blaring Highway to Hell. You have got to love the irony.

In case you don't live by the beach, here are a couple photos to add peace to your day of some of my favorite places in the world.

  









2 comments:

Julie,  June 11, 2014 at 12:58 PM  

Thanks for the update, it's good for me to hear how things are going. I knew Jenny had Lymes awhile ago but I thought it had been taken care of . . . Didn't know she was currently fighting it too. I pray for Rowan . . . But now I'll be praying for all of you. Love you all! Julie L

Jennifer M June 11, 2014 at 1:13 PM  

Boy, cannot wait to give you a big hug.

Love you, Lizzie!

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