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Wherein you will find posts with humor, photos, reviews, occasional rants and journalistic entries of interest to me alone but that I hope will touch you, the reader, in some way. I remain sincerely yours,
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Friday, June 18, 2010

Sometimes There Are No Words

Sometimes there are things in life that just monstrously suck. No bones about it.  And most often, these things happen to other people. Because they happen to other people it is easy to mouth platitudes. Now I am well aware that people don't know what to say and so they often say stupid things. They don't mean to be hurtful, they just are.

I am sorry if this sounds "harsh" but I really don't give a rats ass at the moment.  Someone I love is hurting, body, mind and soul and people saying stupid things or mouthing platitudes makes her feel like she needs to keep up the "cheery cancer patient" facade.
Let me tell you, she doesn't have the time or energy to spend on making YOU feel better about HER cancer!!!Because it isn't OK, it sucks beyond comprehension.  It is terrifying, relentless, painful, and debilitating.

If you don't know what to say, that's OK. Sometimes there are no words.
There are good, solid, practical ways you can show your love and support.
Send a card that might make her laugh.
Send gift cards for the grocery store, the pharmacy or the place she loves to get take out.
Send flowers, a fruit basket or a meal for the freezer.

But above all, please, think before you speak.


Linda Ruthie June 18, 2010 at 10:15 AM  

I am so sorry that your loved one is suffering. I am one of those people that doesn't know what to say in these situations. So I usually say nothing. Thank you for your wonderful ideas of ways to brighten someone's day.

Lizzie June 18, 2010 at 5:16 PM  

Thanks Ruth, I wanted to be constructive. I should have written something along these lines when my baby sister lost her son, same kind of thing.

criticalcrass June 18, 2010 at 7:31 PM  

one of my oldest friends is battling cancer. i totally agree with you. i've never understand why people think words will alleviate the anxiety and pain someone feels, especially when those words are spoken by someone who can't comprehend the way another feels.

i've no idea what to say to my friend. she has a girl who's eight. she's a single mother. she's divorced. so she's got all this other stuff going on paired with a cancer that is relentless. the doctors keep killing it. it keeps cropping up somewhere else -- her breasts, her brain, her spine.

i don't even try to imagine what she feels, except to know that whatever it is hideous.

all i can do is try to take her mind off it. the thing is, she's in illinois, and i'm in texas. so all i can do is check in on her through facebook and whatnot and send her care packages. i want, so badly, to do more for her than that.

anyway, i'm totally with you on this one. some people just need to shut up.

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