"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning" Psalm 30:5
My well has run dry of late. And it's my own fault. I know where my strength comes from and still I did nothing. And, as so often happens when we are relying on out own strength, I ran out. I felt sick at heart, weary, unable to cope, defeated. So utterly done that I didn't even want to go to Him and tell Him. But I did, at last, send time at His feet. And forgiveness is the first thing I asked for after confessing my stubbornness, my pride, my idolatry and everything else that kept me from being where I needed to be.
And day after day, in everything I read, God spoke to me and told me how very much he loves me. He used Charles Spurgeon to really get through to me in the devotional, Morning and Evening. What is really funny is that today's was absolutely perfect, but when I went to share it, it wasn't even today's! I had "accidentally" skipped a page and it spoke to me profoundly. It was exactly, perfectly and utterly, exactly what I needed to read this morning.
from Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon, "The path of a Christian is not always bright with sunshine; he has his seasons of darkness and storm. True, it is written in God's Word, "Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace;" and it is a great truth, that religion is calculated to give man happiness below as well as bliss above; but experience tells us that if the course of the just be "As the shining light that shineth more and more unto the perfect day," yet sometimes that light is eclipsed.
At certain periods clouds cover the believer's sun and he walks in darkness and sees no light. There are many who have rejoiced in the presence of God for a season, theyb have basked in the sunshine in the earlier stages of their Christian career; they have walked along "green pastures" by the side of "still waters," but suddenly they find the glorious sky is clouded; instead of the Land of Goshen they have to tread the sandy desert; in place of sweet waters, they find troubled streams, bitter to their taste and they say, "Surely, if I were a child of God, this would not happen."
Oh! say not so, thou who art walking in darkness. The best of God's saints must drink the wormwood; the dearest of His children must bear the cross. No Christian has enjoyed perpetual prosperity; no believer can always keep his harp from the willows. Perhaps the Lord allotted you at first a smooth and unclouded path, because you were weak and timid. He tempered the wind to the shorn lamb, but now that you are stronger in the spiritual life, you must enter upon the riper and rougher experience of God's full-grown children.
We need winds and tempests to exercise our faith, to tear off the rotten bough of self dependence and to root us more firmly in Christ. The day of evil reveals to us the value of our glorious hope."
So, little by little, day by day, hour by hour, I am going to my Lord, trying to emulate, for once, Mary and not Martha. It isn't easy, it is not my nature to do so, but it is the only way I am going to be the mother, teacher, wife, sister, daughter and friend I am called to be.
It is the only way I can be at my best.
"I lift my eyes up, to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth" -Psalm 121