Things I have learned not to do.
1. If you are cannot find the baking soda and you have a grease fire working its way up the wall, do NOT think flour might work. In point of fact, small amounts of flour are flammable. If you do go with the flour, IF you use a 10 lb bag on it, it will go out but it is heck to clean up.
2. Do not taste the milk to see if it is bad.
3. Do not take your eyes off your best friend when he is cooking, he just might drop a huge amount of frozen chicken wings in the deep fat fryer resulting in the one and only fireball I have ever seen.
3. When you are in your room and you see flames reflecting on your door from the kitchen and your best friend yells, "I got it". Don't believe him. (after all, just last week he made a fireball)
4. IF, someone in front of you hits a squirrel on the road, and you pick it up to help it on your way to work...
Later on, when you see it running around the car, do not assume it is ok and park by the woods for it to leave. BECAUSE you might, a week later start to wonder what that smell is and you might freak out completely when you get in your car and there are maggots in your front floor!!! And your bil might have to put a gas mask on and drive a billion miles an hour to the car detailing place who will never take your calls again.
5. Quit storing last night’s pizza in the box in the oven where you will forget it and start yet another kitchen fire. And on that note, do not assume the pizza can still be eaten after you have unloaded the extinguisher on it.
6. Never assume your 3 year old is asleep just because you don't hear her. She might be in the baby's room. She might be so enchanted with the balmex and baby powder that she is terribly busy covering every flat surface and every doorknob with the balmex and sprinkling it with the "fairy dust".
7. Never let your kids watch Macgyver. They might, in the grocery store, loudly, ask for fertilizer and magnesium and oh, hey, do they have flares here?
8. Never assume that a peaceful, quiet moment will stay that way when you have children. They are simply plotting new mischief.
9. Never assume your spouse will remember your birthday or your anniversary, it is asking for trouble. Stick a post-it on his computer and send him your Amazon Wish list. Which he will then delete as spam because her didn’t know your Amazon user name was classicslover. He thought it was a Viagra sales pitch.
10. Finally, never believe your Top Ten lists are complete. They never are. There is always another anecdote that will fit into it.
Keep Laughing! Life is too short not to laugh.